


Day6 - The lost years

by Daily_Scenarios



Series: Robert Sugden Week 2020 [6]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, Post Prison, Robert Sugden Week 2020, The lost years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:42:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26051350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daily_Scenarios/pseuds/Daily_Scenarios
Summary: Robert's back from prison and slowly he starts telling Aaron what it was like to be there for 4 years.aka day 6 of Robert Week 2020
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Series: Robert Sugden Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883821
Comments: 10
Kudos: 54





	Day6 - The lost years

**Author's Note:**

> writing this was pretty hard because I had no idea how to start based on the theme, but I got there in the end.  
> so please let me know if you liked it!   
> it would mean a lot!

Robert stood in the garden, breathing in the fresh air when two arms wrapped around him from behind. He could immediately feel Aaron’s scent, and a second later his kiss, landing on his cheek.

“Thank you.” – he sighed with his eyes closed. He put his arms on Aaron’s trying to keep him in place.

“It’s just a hug.” – laughed Aaron.

“Not that.” – said Robert turning his head for a second but then he changed his mind and turned it back. – “That letter…. you, not giving up on me, even when I pushed you as far away as possible.”

“You gave it a good try I’ll give you that.” – smiled Aaron.

“Don’t.” – said Robert stepping away. Aaron’s arms fell from him as he stood there looking confused. – “It’s not funny.” – he said to him, and Aaron could see how all of this affected Robert.

“I’m sorry.” – he said quietly taking a step further to reach out to him. – “I was just trying to…”

“To make things easier… like it’s normal… I know.” – sighed Robert as he took a hold of Aaron’s hands. – “It’s… it’s still … fresh I guess.”

“It’s been only 3 weeks Rob.”

“I’m sorry that I always keep you up at night.” – he said referring to his insomnia. He was back for good but all those years in prison… it changes people. And Robert wasn’t an exception either.

“No, it’s alright.” – shrugged Aaron. Because to him, it was still worth it. 

“No Aaron it’s not.” – he argued.

“It really is.” – said Aaron not letting go. Robert needed to understand something. And he was determined to let him know. – “Because being without you… it was hell. And no, I’m not being daft. I know it’s nothing compared to what you’ve gone through, but it wasn’t fun for me either. And now? Having you home again… lying in the same bed… feeling you breathing next to me? It worth more to me than you can imagine. I wouldn’t mind staying up with you all night if I had to.”

“You mean that?” – asked Robert as he choked back tears.

“Robert, you’re home for 3 weeks now, ain’t it obvious?” – he asked with a smile. Luckily Robert returned it.

“Yeah, it’s just… hard to believe I guess. That you’re still here, that you still… want me….”

“I’ll always want you. I thought I proved myself on that front already.” – he said with a smug smile.

“Yeah… not like we were ever able to take it slow.” – smiled Robert. Okay, maybe they weren’t thinking about the same thing at first, because Aaron thought about how they ended up in bed not even 10 minutes after Robert set foot in the village again. And Robert referred to the moment Aaron pulled his drawer out to dug out a small box. A small box with their rings in it. It was roughly an hour after Robert knocked on his door. Now he could feel the metal around his finger, and it was such a satisfying feeling. He didn’t take it off ever since, and he swore to himself he won’t do it ever again.

To know that Aaron still had those feelings for him even after 4 years… it was too overwhelming in that moment. He still teared up at the thought. Aaron waited for him. They didn’t really talk about anything too deep… but he didn’t care. Aaron let him in, and the minute they kissed, Robert truly felt like he was finally home again.

Robert knew they were remembering the same thing as they looked into each other eyes, but then Robert broke eye contact and walked back to the house.

“Robert?” – called Aaron.

“Yeah?”

“When you’re ready… you can talk about anything… I mean about what happened in there… or… anything you want. We don’t have to make this into a big thing, you just start talking and I’ll listen. I promise.” – he said nodding. Robert could only do one thing after that. He stepped closer to Aaron before he kissed him slowly.

“I don’t deserve you.” – he whispered to Aaron. Aaron wanted to argue, but he knew Robert, it would’ve been an impossible task. So he just let it go. Even more so because Robert kissed him again, and that was when Aaron lost all common sense. His only focus was on Robert. Because he was home again, and he would never leave and knowing that, gave him a feeling that lifted him up high above the ground.

* * *

As time passed Robert slowly got back to his old self more or less. And from time to time he told Aaron bits. Not much, but it was enough. Aaron never pushed him. When Robert wanted to talk, he talked.

That’s how Aaron found out about the hospital.

“After the first year… around Christmas, I think… I got stabbed.” – he said once casually. They were making dinner and Robert thought that this was the right time to tell the story. Aaron lifted his head in seconds, gaping at him like a fish in a bowl. He didn’t say a word, because he could feel Robert wasn’t finished. –“I know you’ve noticed the scar... it’s not like I could hide it. Thanks for not pointing it out.” – said Robert. Not that Aaron didn’t want to know how he got that, because that first night when Robert returned and they took their clothes off, his hand brushed against the scar on his left side. It was big. Way too big to be ignored, but Aaron just looked at him with a million questions in his eyes. Robert just cupped his cheek, whispered _“Not now”_ and they went back to business. Aaron didn’t question it ever since. But now Robert told him what happened.

“How?” – that’s all he could ask really. He was still in shock, although he guessed that he didn’t get it from an accident.

“Wrong place wrong time… you know how that works.” – shrugged Robert. – “There wasn’t any… reason. I tried to keep my head down, but trouble found me occasionally. That day I just couldn’t get out of it quick enough.”

“Did they…”

“They got me to hospital. I had an operation. Everything went smoothly, I was fine, I was back before new year’s eve.”

“Oh my god, Robert…”

“No, it’s really fine.” – assured him Robert, before he continued chopping the vegetables.

* * *

The next time Robert opened about his prison years they were up. It was late, around 3 am, and Robert felt guilty. He didn’t want Aaron to lie awake with him just because he couldn’t sleep. But since they were both awake…

“I had a counselor. Inside I mean.” – he said quickly checking if Aaron was listening. He was. – “She helped me a lot.”

“Why did you…” - _why did you start going_ he wanted to ask but he realized it was a stupid question. He was in prison, anybody would know how difficult that must have been. Aaron knew it first hand.

“At first I had to…. after the stabbing. They said it’s mandatory… for them to clear me, or something. And then… she offered me sessions. Not because I was… in a state or anything… just… to talk if I wanted to.”

“And did ya? Want to I mean.”

“At first I didn’t, but sometimes I felt so alone, and I just craved…. another human being’s voice? Not the thugs that would take offense at anything you say to them… good old fashioned conversation.”

“So you told her you wanted to go to those appointments?”

“Yeah… and it’s not like I told her much… or anything at first.” – he laughed. – “It got her a whole year before she tricked me into talking about you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. She read my file. She tried to get me to open up. It turned out, you were the key.”

* * *

The next time Robert told Aaron something prison-related it was 2 days before he got to meet Seb again, for the first time since he got sent down. He was a big boy now, 6 years old, and Robert was bricking it. Aaron could see how much it bothered him, but he waited until Robert started talking.

“I thought about him every day.” – he smiled when they were snuggling on the couch one night, looking at photos. – “I pictured what he’d look like, what he must sound like… if he’s still just babbling or properly talking yet… god sometimes I spent the whole day thinking about what it would be like if I was still there, taking care of him…. with you.” – he said looking at Aaron.

“He looks like you.” – he said quietly. He knew because after basically harassing Rebecca she let him visit, from time to time. It was good for Seb as well. His little eyes lit up when he saw Aaron for the first time, and from the way he reached out to him, so Aaron could take him into his arms, it was hard to deny the love and affection.

“What if he forgot me?” – he asked sniffing.

“Impossible. He couldn’t I made sure of that.” – answered Aaron smiling.

“What if he asks why I was away?”

“You’ll tell him.”

“He’s 6!”

“Yeah and he’s your son, he’s smart.” – he said but he noticed how anxious Robert still was. – “Calm down, it’s all gonna be fine. And now that you’re here again, he can come to visit us more often… and maybe… after a while… he could come back…. permanently.” – offered Aaron biting his lip.

“Really? You’d want that?”

“Of course you idiot. I love that kid. I missed him just as much as you did when he wasn’t around.”

“I’m sorry about that, he should’ve stayed with you.”

“Oi, no more self-pity, alright?” – asked Aaron. – “Just wait and see how it’s gonna turn out.”

“Okay.”

* * *

“Aaron?” – said Robert as he walked down the stairs.

“Yeah? What’s up?” – he asked. Robert came home from prison exactly a year ago, and sometimes Aaron still felt like there were things he didn’t know about those years his husband spent inside. He wondered if he ever will.

“It’s just…” - started Robert with a bunch of letters in his hands.

“What are those?” – asked Aaron pointing to the pile in his husband’s hands.

“Letters…. I wrote them to you… all of them. When I was… inside.”

“But…”

“You never got them… I know. Because I never posted them.”

“What?”

“I had to let it all out, but after I wrote them, I read them back, and I just couldn’t find the strength to post them. I started writing them after my second year. I thought it was too late anyway. I just didn’t wanna stop you from moving on…”

“I haven’t.” – said Aaron interrupting him.

“I know. And I want you to read them. Whenever you want. I just.. I leave it here.” – he said placing them on the kitchen table. – “Just… promise me you’ll talk to me if you have questions or… I don’t know.” – he waved nervously. – “It sounds stupid, maybe…” - he said suddenly clearly changing his mind by the second.

“No, leave them here. I wanna read them. Robert, there cannot be a single line there, that would make me stop loving you, you know that right?”

“I love you too.” – he smiled dropping a quick kiss to his forehead before he aimed for the door.

“Where… where are you going?” – asked Aaron confused.

“It’s 4 pm I gotta pick up Seb. We’ll be back in a bit.” – he said reminding him.

“Oh, okay, I see you soon.” – said Aaron, knowing that as soon as Robert gets out the door, he’s gonna open the first letter.

_Aaron,_

_It’s been way too long, and I know I have no right… but just listen._


End file.
